Is God testing me this time around?
29 November 2007
BVC life is not easy! I can't possibly blame anyone for this but MYSELF. I wanted this course so badly and got through the application and the interview process. Finally Northumbria University reserved a place for me. Was very fortunate and beaming with a big smile over it. Up-to-date, the course has run for 2 month and 2 weeks and was coping well for most of the subjects. And I was quite pleased with my overall performance for the skills practice sessions.
Today, dated 29/11/2007, God has showed me the other side of it. My perspective, judgment and/ or self-assurance were wrong all this while. The mock assessment has proven to me that hard work, involves long hours and grinding work, is required. Is God testing me again? By letting me fall hard on the ground and make me realize that certain things needs reflection at some point of time. After reflection, stand up on my own two feet again. Is it possible for me to go through it alone? Am I able to prove otherwise?
Feeling very down at the moment and there is nothing I can do but to weep in silence. Hoping that miracle will change the situation or angels dropping from the sky to comfort me! Words of comfort take me nowhere but having faith in God will help me in every single way.
Overall, I have woken up from my dreamland which I thought the journey was as smooth as silk. Discovering my own pitfall was unacceptable by me but Life Goes On with God's wish and strength that he has in me. He has brought me till this far, am I able to disappoint anyone at this stage? The answer is a big "No".
Taken part of Michael Bolton's lyrics: Go the Distance
"I wont look back, I can go the distance
And Ill stay on track, no, I wont accept defeat
Its an uphill slope, but I wont lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete"
Off to uni now to get things done instead of ranting!
Today, dated 29/11/2007, God has showed me the other side of it. My perspective, judgment and/ or self-assurance were wrong all this while. The mock assessment has proven to me that hard work, involves long hours and grinding work, is required. Is God testing me again? By letting me fall hard on the ground and make me realize that certain things needs reflection at some point of time. After reflection, stand up on my own two feet again. Is it possible for me to go through it alone? Am I able to prove otherwise?
Feeling very down at the moment and there is nothing I can do but to weep in silence. Hoping that miracle will change the situation or angels dropping from the sky to comfort me! Words of comfort take me nowhere but having faith in God will help me in every single way.
Overall, I have woken up from my dreamland which I thought the journey was as smooth as silk. Discovering my own pitfall was unacceptable by me but Life Goes On with God's wish and strength that he has in me. He has brought me till this far, am I able to disappoint anyone at this stage? The answer is a big "No".
Taken part of Michael Bolton's lyrics: Go the Distance
"I wont look back, I can go the distance
And Ill stay on track, no, I wont accept defeat
Its an uphill slope, but I wont lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete"
Off to uni now to get things done instead of ranting!
Labels: courage, criticism, reflection
0 readersTelephone conversation that goes....
08 November 2007
Ming: Is bro going back to Malaysia anytime soon?
Dad: Yes, in January
Ming: Staying back for CNY?
Dad: Not so sure yet but he will be back a week before CNY
Ming: Oooo... okies. Pa, I also want to be back for CNY?
Dad: If you want to come back pls book your ticket as soon as possible as you know that flight tickets are hard to get nowadays.
Ming: Okies...
When I heard about "please book your ticket as soon as possible", I was so Happy. Smilling all the way and laughing but controlling it at the same time cos I was still talking to my dad on the phone. Hahaha... I was so tempted to go home to see my bro's and my dog. Not so much on my parents cos they are coming here in 3 weeks time.
Ming: But pa, I have no holidays...
Dad: Then you better concentrate on your studies. But if you think you can manage, by all means come back to be with us
All of a sudden, my face changed from smilling to disappointment because of my bloody BVC course. Attendance is compulsory and I just can't take my ass off from NCL to Malaysia. Not even for a day, so what do you think of getting a week off? Haizz, sad situation. Plus, I have got mock assessment at the end of January. So I just have to cover my face with all my books instead of thinking so far ahead [wondering all to myself], wishing that I were home with them for the first CNY after 3 years.
Then...
Dad: It doesn't matter.. There are so many CNY ahead of you, why worry of not celebrating
Ming: Am not worry! I just wanted to go back to celebrate to get the feel of the atmosphere again... Been missing twice and those friends of mine which we have been celebrating together are back in Malaysia now...
Dad, trying very hard to comfort me and brushing off this topic...
Dad: Hmm, why not you go over to London and celebrate with your cousin?
Ming: Hmm, sounds good but I will think bout it first...
Dad: It is up to you, think over it carefully and let me know if you changed your mind of coming home..
Ming: ok
The topic just ended that way and we continue harping on other topics...
After the phone conversation, I was still contemplating of going home or not? But have made up my mind of not going home cos I can't afford to waste my time though my heart says just go home and take a week off to relax. SAD, SAd, Sad, sad..........
Dad: Yes, in January
Ming: Staying back for CNY?
Dad: Not so sure yet but he will be back a week before CNY
Ming: Oooo... okies. Pa, I also want to be back for CNY?
Dad: If you want to come back pls book your ticket as soon as possible as you know that flight tickets are hard to get nowadays.
Ming: Okies...
When I heard about "please book your ticket as soon as possible", I was so Happy. Smilling all the way and laughing but controlling it at the same time cos I was still talking to my dad on the phone. Hahaha... I was so tempted to go home to see my bro's and my dog. Not so much on my parents cos they are coming here in 3 weeks time.
Ming: But pa, I have no holidays...
Dad: Then you better concentrate on your studies. But if you think you can manage, by all means come back to be with us
All of a sudden, my face changed from smilling to disappointment because of my bloody BVC course. Attendance is compulsory and I just can't take my ass off from NCL to Malaysia. Not even for a day, so what do you think of getting a week off? Haizz, sad situation. Plus, I have got mock assessment at the end of January. So I just have to cover my face with all my books instead of thinking so far ahead [wondering all to myself], wishing that I were home with them for the first CNY after 3 years.
Then...
Dad: It doesn't matter.. There are so many CNY ahead of you, why worry of not celebrating
Ming: Am not worry! I just wanted to go back to celebrate to get the feel of the atmosphere again... Been missing twice and those friends of mine which we have been celebrating together are back in Malaysia now...
Dad, trying very hard to comfort me and brushing off this topic...
Dad: Hmm, why not you go over to London and celebrate with your cousin?
Ming: Hmm, sounds good but I will think bout it first...
Dad: It is up to you, think over it carefully and let me know if you changed your mind of coming home..
Ming: ok
The topic just ended that way and we continue harping on other topics...
After the phone conversation, I was still contemplating of going home or not? But have made up my mind of not going home cos I can't afford to waste my time though my heart says just go home and take a week off to relax. SAD, SAd, Sad, sad..........
Labels: CNY, family, p.conversation
0 readersTruth hurts and it does cut deeply...
05 November 2007
Recently I have many thoughts running in my head. I have been contemplating about this particular issue that I have discovered nine to ten months ago. Every now and then, the issue will pop up which acquire great attention from me. Yet the answers don't come easily. So far there are no definite answers to the issue but I have drawn many inferences from it. And those inferences that i have drawn made me realised that truth hurts! It is like a knife penetrating through your heart very slow, inch by inch, that made you suffer in silence. It is a type of suffering that no one could endure for long. As though a deep cut that can never be healed no matter what is said or done; the scar will be there forever.
A matter of life or death? Future or no future? Why does that ******** want to jeopardize it? Why?
Could i inform that innocent child? How should i approach him/her? Would he/she believe in me?
Whatever the situation might be or circumstances, i would try my very best to protect you from now though i was a victim before. Gain your confidence and be on your own two feet. Whatever you are achieving will remain with you eternally.
May God be with you always.
A matter of life or death? Future or no future? Why does that ******** want to jeopardize it? Why?
Could i inform that innocent child? How should i approach him/her? Would he/she believe in me?
Whatever the situation might be or circumstances, i would try my very best to protect you from now though i was a victim before. Gain your confidence and be on your own two feet. Whatever you are achieving will remain with you eternally.
May God be with you always.
Labels: blessing, dilemma, thoughts
0 readers